Will a broken heart ever mend?

Life has never been an easy journey for me, alot of things happened to me when I was just a child that led me to have no faith in love, even more than that , it led me to lose faith in the possibility that someone could ever love a person like me. I don't know if others have ever felt the way I have, but from the time I was a little girl I have always seen myself as a second hand, as a hand me down. I was never good enough to be in the popular group of kids, my teeth were crooked, I had a silly smile and I was a child in constant turmoil. My family was far from perfect, there was alot of anger and violence in my home. I never saw hugs or kisses, a family that sat together and ate dinner was like a fairy tale in a book somewhere and a young girl took on responsibilities that most people dont do until they are way older.

I never got close to people or dared to begin friendships, I was never in one school long enough to be comfortable enough to make a friend and enjoy the type of things you might do with a best friend. So as I grew up and became adult , all those insecurities followed me. My first relationship with the man that was my first husband was filled with controlling, obsessive, and abusive painful years. I was lost and wanted to get out, but was to young, naive and scared to make a run for it. I began to believe that I deserved to be treated this way, that remember I was a hand me down and that no one was ever gonna love me.

I finally did get out of that marriage, and I started a new life on my own. But the damage was done, all those years of feeling worthless, lonely and unwanted had taken their toll on me. I was 28, single, and all I wanted was someone to love me, to say nice things to me and to treat me like a queen. Then came along my second failed attempt at love. A man who was a con and preyed on the weak hearts of woman came into my path and led me down a dark road that I would add to the list of things wrong with me.

So finally when I did meet someone who did truly love me with all my flaws and cracks, I was so blind and distorted that I couldn't see him for what he was, I let him slip right through my fingers. I destroyed the one love that had ever really wanted to be there for me and with me. I did things because I couldn't deal with the way I felt about myself that I pushed him away.

So now I start over, and I begin to search for the real thing, Gina. She has been the one who has been lost this whole time. She needs to be found, she has been lost for way to long. She isn't that bad of a person, its been me the whole time I have been looking for, There is a woman who has been hiding and she wants to see the sun. She wants to be able to have someone love her for the person she really is not the person that others have made her.